The Orange Jellybean
My
Story
My name is Zoe Gallup
I created The Orange Jellybean after my own mental health crisis. September 2nd, 2022, I overdosed on 150+ prescription pills in an attempt to take my own life. I was 5 minutes away from dying, when I realized that I was truly going to die, I picked myself up off of my bathroom floor and called 911. I saved my own life, and in the process, I realized just how special life is. Life gets hard, I'm not saying that it doesn't. But giving it up is a lot harder. It's one of those things that you want until you get it, I had death in the palm of my hand. Then I thought, what am I going to miss? There is so much out there in the world, and I couldn't rob myself of the opportunity of experiencing that. I knew it would be hard, and I would still have bad days, but I wanted to be around for the good days.
1 Year Update
1 Year Update
I truly cannot believe that I have made it one whole year into my recovery. 365 days since I attempted to take my life. The amount of things that has changed has been mind blowing. There has been so much good, as well as bad. But having the opportunity to experience the good in spite of the bad is why I chose to save my life. Here is a breakdown of the amazing things that have happened this last year:
- Day 16: I took my senior pictures
- Day 28: I attended my senior homecoming
- Day 76: I got accepted into my dream college
- Day 115: I celebrated Christmas with my family
- Day 186: I attended the Winter Formal with my best friends
- Day 200: I launched The Orange Jellybean Website
- Day 240: I attended my senior prom
- Day 268: I graduated from high school
- Day 296: I got to see my favorite baseball team, The San Diego Padres play at their home field
- Day 317: I got to see Taylor Swift: The Eras Tour Concert
- Day 356: I turned 18 years old
- Day 357: I had my first day of school at University of Central Arkansas
- Day 360: I joined my sorority, Alpha Sigma Tau
- Day 365: 1 year of my recovery
Looking back on this past year, I know I made the right decision to pick up my phone and call 911, look at all of the things I would have missed. Now, don’t get me wrong, there have been awful, horrible, really bad days. But knowing that I will have these amazing days at some point, gives me the motivation to push through and keep going. If you are in a place where you feel lonely, hopeless, and like life is not worth living, I beg of you please to look at this list and think about what kind of amazing days you could have if you keep fighting. There is at least one person in this world who loves you, I do, and no matter what, you are valuable and this world needs you. Lots of love, Zoe
Why did I name this, "The Orange Jellybean?"
I hate jellybeans, except for one flavor, the orange. In elementary school, we had a guidance counselor who gave us a specific breathing exercise to help ground us; she would place a jellybean on our belly buttons, and we had to focus on steady breathing, so it wouldn't fall off. At the end, if we kept it steady, we got to eat the jellybean. But I hated jellybeans, so I could never focus on the breathing because I never got the reward. Until I found that I liked one jellybean, the orange one. Soon this breathing exercise became something I looked forward to, it was a time I could escape and just, breathe. It's a random story, but it always brings me a sense of comfort, which is what I want this website to bring to you all.